Just today

I’m getting bitter and restless. This house, with its religious zeal and right-wing politics, is making me feel like a wild animal trying to be a well behaved person. My inability to provide myself with a home, is disturbing and shameful.

The bitterness from my divorce, no from my marriage hasn’t left me yet. I look at pregnant women and feel robbed. Everything brings cheekbones and our life to mind. They say in meditation you should focus on the space in between thoughts. For me, the space in between thoughts are scenes from that life, smells, tastes, people. That life, so different from this one, yet a part of it somehow. Just one cycle of the many I will experience.

Should I stand up?

Hello, I'm nervous and I'm in advertising

In advertising, and when we chose models, we choose good looking men, something to aspire to. But if you look at porn, there seems to be something wrong with your aspirations la guys. You want a monster penis and a muka hantam bas ah? Really?

How many of you want to be Dr. Chua? He should retire from politics and start his own porn empire, starring Dr. Chua. Before the video, no one even knew who he was, now he's the most famous politician in Malaysia. He already has a huge audience, why not? There is senior citizen porn in Japan, why not in Malaysia?

But Malaysians have some strange fetishes. We do. Saw or not, the tudung girls. Pakai tudung and the look of wonder on their face "Konek!" interspersed with that shy giggle. Of course la malu, you having sex, on a picnic table, in public, in broad daylight! gila ke apa?

But it's not easy for women in KL. I've been single for a while. The only time a guy has come up to me in the past 7 months... He kind of stood next to me for a while, and looked, smiling, he kinda gurgled some bits of words. First of all he was a kid, he must have been 20 or something. Maybe this lack of years is what made him miss the fact that we were at Frangi and it was gay night. "Wow, and I'm wearing a dress. Do I look like an Aqua?"

But seriously there's one fundamental problem with men. They can't read minds. Girl goes, "What you doing tonight?" "Going for a drink at Changkat." Silence. ok. Next day, "Where were you? Why didn't you come to changkat?" Does I'm going for a drink, sound like an invitation to you? Men are not from Mars, they're from Planet Bodoh.

This is where I run out of material. I'll think about it.

No Sorry

A long-lost friend shouted over loud music and very good vodka, “Would you like a pill?!”

“No thanks. I’m good.”

“What happened to you??”

Hmmmm…. What happened to me? I got older, I got burnt. I saw a few people crash and lose their marbles from taking lotsa drugs and I got really scared. Most of all, I realised that all that intensified feeling while you’re on e, although fun, doesn’t make real relationships, and in essence, isn’t real.

If I had to pick one, it would be the fear of losing my mind.

“Where you been clubbing lately?” he continues.

“Errrrrr, I don’t really go out much. I take day trips with good friends. I go to palate… Ummm, what else do I do? I read… and write… I live a really calm life now.” He tilted his head and looked at me like I had blue fur on my face.

The whole encounter left a bad taste in my mouth. They are people cheeckbones and I used to hang out with. Seeing them just reminded me of that life I had with him. The mad sex, drugs and rock&roll life.

I drove around the corner to Palate. Among good friends I concluded: I’m not sorry. My life may seem boring by many standards and I really am not sorry!

Kampung Facebook

Facebook is like a kampung. Everyone knows everything. Sometimes I can't stand it and I want to delete my existence from it and not have any association with it. Between the intimate details of relationships, the wall posts (that should be private) and pictures I really don't want to be tagged in.... But at the same time, I love it. I love being connected to everyone and knowing what's happening with all my friends. 

So like in any kampung, word spreads. Collective sentiments become very clear. I don't know about you, but a lot of things in the way this country is run is making me angry. I feel helpless and I feel fearful. The only thing I know how to do is to use the devices on this kampung to let people know, "I think this is unacceptable!"

I don't want to demonise anyone or call people names. I just want to hear a collective voice that indicates we care. I care that a 22-year-old gets tortured to death by police. We care that people we voted for are being ousted from the privacy of their sleep. 

So if you feel something, post it, blog it, twitter it, announce it on your status. 

25

People started tagging me in "25 random things about me". At first I thought it was gay, then TIME said it was gehye (coz they're more politically correct) when they wrote 25 things I don't want to know about you. Qua Qua. So I'm supposed to write 25 things about me on facebook and tag all the people who tagged me. That's just SO sweet. Ok, here it goes!! 

1. I was divorced at 30.

2. I'm sometimes gay.

3. I adore my friends like there's no tomorrow.

4. I'm daddy's girl.

5. I lost a brother when I was 13.

6. The first man I fell in love with was Prince.

7. Followed very closely by Madonna.

8. I have nice feet.

9. I like to perm my lashes.

10. I want to have children.

11. I'm thinking of adopting.

12. Only 1 person has ever broken up with me (and he's gay). 

13. I've been broke for years but I'm growing richer in personality.

14. When I blow out candles I wish to be happy.

15. I'm pretty happy and calm nowadays.

16. One day I'm gonna be a giant tycoon.

17. I think 25 is alot.

18. I'm lazy as shit.

19. I love classical music too. 

20. I go to the Philharmonic and check out handsome men on stage. 

21. I like being surrounded by plants.

22. Ita and Cee are my muses.

23. I have 4 parents and really like all of them as people. 

24. I like salad with nuts.

25. I like people who are a little nuts. 

Learnings from a colossal disaster

When running a business for the first time, some people may not know:

Pay yourself a small salary and settle your overheads. Profit is not for spending, it's for investing in people, equipment and space so your company can grow in the future.

If you don't do this, when you need to expand, you will either get yourself in debt, or hand pieces of your company (and control) over to someone who has the cash. 

Having extra money in the bank so you can grow/invest means that you have to charge more than you need to survive. Or you're living beyond your means and you need to cut your expenses.

If all this is not happening, there's something wrong with your business model. 

If you invest, it's always a gamble. And like gambling, whatever you put on the table, you should be willing to lose. 

Most importantly, a sustainable and profitable business (that people want to throw money at) is a business that still makes money for you when you're on holiday. 

This is a great article (I have a TIME addiction, sorry) on companies that will not have to let people go during the recession. Basically most of them have alot of cash and little or no debt. 

Befriending brands

I was reading the other day that kids these days (teens and 20s) are very sophisticated when it comes to ads. They don't want to be sold stuff. 

Maybe the days of ads selling products will end shortly, if they haven's already. Now we need to sell brands and what we communicate is the brand's point of view and sentiment. When we connect with that sentiment/ share that point of view, we make friends with the brand.

But then again, maybe the days of advertising as we know it is over. I read this stupid article on Time.

People have choice, they can watch anything they want, they're not gonna watch stupid ads anymore. It's not a matter of switching the tv off during ads, people aren't gonna switch the tv on at all, coz the ads are annoying and the selection is so limited. 

Everything is changing. The new world of media business is being shaped as we speak. Everyone needs a new business model to cope with this blady 2.0 generation, but we don't quite know what it is yet. Now that is funny.