Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sama same or different?

I watched the Ramayana ballet in Jogja. It was awesome, I loved it and one thing really stuck me. Rama and Sita danced in complete unison. I suppose that’s how good relationships work, you want the same things, you move in the same direction bla, bla di bla. Maybe in a choreographed ballet, but seriously. 2 human beings with their own opinions and tastes could never always move in unison.

My mother said, “Next time, you have to be with someone who treats you like an equal.” The fact that she and her husband are equals means that they have no pool because they can’t agree on where to put it (I know, so bourgeoisie). But the point is, they are both so faithful to their opinion that they won’t budge. And because they are equal, there is no conclusion. This situation seems negative, we have no pool. But I really do celebrate their relationship; it is a strong, healthy and happy one.

Moving in unison all the time is practically impossible. I good friend of mine shared with me that her mother advised her to sign a prenuptial agreement, not for financial loss or gain, but for lifestyle expectations. Where you want to be, what you want to be doing and how you want to live in your 30s, 40s, 50s and so on. Basically an agreement of what you expect of each other in your relationship.

It’s impossible to always move to unison, or even be dancing to the same tune. But the differences should be celebrated with a little humour. The danger is when you think your way is right and you try to impose it. This is when you introduce power play into your relationship. An ability to treat each other with respect and not trample on someone just because they adore you is an admirable trait that most people need time and insight to work towards.


Epilogue:
An unexpected turn of events has brought about some developments that have given the pool a very clear and logical place to be. Everything does always work out.

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