The art of letting go

Grief is such a strange thing. It's a feeling that is so complex and hard to explain. Maybe the biggest thing about grief is that you have no control. You lose someone and you can't hang on to them, they are lost to you and there is nothing you can do about it. It is probably the only situation where you can't do anything about this thing that happens that you really wish didn't. 

The art of letting go. Acceptance. Accept that the world has its way and will sometimes have its way with you. And these heartbreaks teach you things and help you shrink your ego. 

You may know the song: You can't always get what you want, you get what you need. 

Count the blessings one by one. And although you don't always get what you want, you most certainly sometimes get what you want; if you put your mind to it, the time is right and it's good for you. Now there's another blessing to be counted. 

Hello Crunchtime!

Hello Crunchtime!

Cee is setting up his own record label. It's called Crunchtime. He was all freaked out about everything not being ready for the launch Thursday December 18, 2008. Then he was reminded that it's even called Crunchtime, what does he expect?

So anyway. Cee has a way of spreading love and good vibes everywhere he goes, and has collected a bunch of good friends all over the world whom he dubs family. He's collected all the musicians from his family and created Crunchtime with them and for them.

Of course the music is amazing. Stereotyp, Arabyrd, Cee, AlHaca, Fefe (also a grefitti artist), Brenk, Siqnature, KuboStereo.

Malaysia got a special auditory mention (KLIA bells) in Al Haca's song Family Business. And Arabyrd is there representing Malaysia. So we're part of the fam, see.

So when Crunchtime launches, my blog will be mirrored on their site. I'm lucky enough to be in Cee's family and I'm more than happy to amuse more people. *Hope it works*

Lotsa love to Cee and fam. Keep it rocking!

Paris Hilton digs it. Hahahahahahahahahah...

Bush kena baling kasut!

Bush kena baling kasut! Hahahahahaahahah. It also sounds so fucking good in Malay. Baling is such a fantastic word, like sepatu, so expressive. Now let me tell you what I said when I heard in on the radio this morning. Someone threw a shoe at Bush. Hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaha. Fucking padan muka. Let's throw him a shoe shower. MORE SHOES!!! I heard they were a size 10. Some heels are in order.

Have a hot affair!

When I told my Valerie what Su-ann said she said "That's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard! You need a hot affair" 

OK. But with who? We went all over town that night and saw 2 handsome men. The first was boring as shit. The other was a toyboy with his sugar mommy. KL is so very sad sometimes. 

Other great learnings:

1. The Apple Martini at Werner is the best cocktail ever invented.

2. KL is in dire need of more handsome men... who are not boring or toyboys or gay or workaholics. 

3. It always feels like my heartbreak is healing quite nicely after I've had a great night out. 

4. Swimming at 5am is a stupid idea coz you put so much effort into getting to the pool, then you can only stay there for 10 mins coz it's freezing. 

5. Sweet kisses make me dizzy.

Yes, have a hot affair!! A short one. 

Reality Check

Did you watch The Secret? Did you read The Alchemist? Why don't you just ask for it? Can you feel it? Is it just a figment of your imagination? 

The power of attraction? Or are we just attracted to coincidence? Making sense of the nonsensical. Is meditating just us calming the fuck down? When you bow to God do you really feel him or is it your need for some love, for divine love, for something divine? Are all the religions just us manufacturing a purpose for 80-odd pointless years? 

Look, it's a parade!

My mind is such a fucker, sometimes. It puts on a giant parade with balloons and full brass bands, clown, strippers and the glittering drag queens, all in the dead of night. Even my friend Xanax couldn't  coax it to quiet down. It sent protesters against the meditation, dragging cheeckbones' propositions through the streets, leaving streaks of memories as it moved swiftly forward. The fool jumps up onto a lamp post and screams with glee, "Can we do it? Shall we?" Good thing no one put him in charge. I wish there was a bar in here, a little brandy or seven lychee martinis might quiet them all down. Aaahhhh, my friend Xanax has sent reinforcements. Good night friends and strangers.

Feeling It All

In this copywriting class I'm taking, I learnt that to write good copy, you have to write from the heart. This way, people click with what they read, they feel it, they feel you. Why didn't I think of this before? Sometime I punya brain tak hensem, o well. 

What was most shocking was that in the exercise, where we had to practice being real, I failed the first time. Before that class, I was convinced I lived very honestly. But I discovered, that even though I have no secrets, I am sometimes a bit macho about my feelings. I convince myself that I've got it all under control and I'm moving on very swiftly. I'm made of steel, yes, like superman, except I'm more hensem! Pffth! 

But in all honesty, saying that I'm doing well, is just putting it away in that ugly closet I hate to look at. I have to do it the hard way, feel it all, revel in the pain and once I've let the feeling wash through me, I can forgive, say thank you and goodbye to all the good and the bad.  

Like in any story that wishes it was a Hindi film, there's a song. Who's jumping around with me as Feist sings "I feel it all, I feel it all, I'll be the one to break my heart, I'll be the one to hope again. I know more than I knew before. The wings are wide and I love you MOOOOORRREEEEE." Some of you may know this song better, clearly I only hear what I want to hear, but I feel it all. 

I think this new year will be the newest I've ever had. 

Soul Mate?

The other night a friend of mine asked out of the blue if cheekbones was my soul mate. My instant reaction was, "no, if he were my soulmate, he wouldn't have hurt me because that would be like hurting himself. 

Then, I read in Eat Pray Love where Richard from Texas says "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet , because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it." 

The wind was knocked out of me. In that case, he was my soul mate. 

I wasn't sure if I wanted to take Richard's word for it. For a moment, I thought, how do we even know this whole soul mate thing is real? Maybe it's just something cool someone made up. 

So I turned to Wikipedia. It said, "One theory from Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and a single head made of two faces, but Zues feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them." 2 faces? Good grief. One is hard enough to maintain. Now that Zues has simplified matters, why go back to the complication of 2 faces. 

Coz kissing is great. 

Some other people believe that a soul mate is someone you've been with for many life times and they may be with you in the current life as a friend, parent, lover, sibling. See that makes more sense. That lifts the pressure and frustration from having to find The One. 

And I find it's a little unhealthy to walk around feeling incomplete, depending on someone else to complete you. 

So maybe all these theories came about because it's human to get lonely. A myth to hang on to when it gets rough? An excuse to use to throw all caution to the wind and fall in love with reckless abandon?

su-ann said

I've known this girl for about 15 years. And I should know by now, that when it comes to life's complexities, she is normally right. So what did she say now? Alamak, and I also gatal, coz you know she won't say unless you ask. 

She said I should be single for a bout a year. "A year??!!!" She compromised, "Ok, try 3 months" Phew"It's been 3 months" She sighs, "No, from NOW" "O." No sex even? She said something about flirting and having fun.... ....  .... A year is a long time, you know. I mean I haven't been in a relationship for almost 4 months. The fact that I'm counting says alot, innit? But maybe I'm counting other things and not being single. Ish. Time. If I was on the beach I wouldn't need it. 

But right now memang I have no time for this nonsense, kan? Class 3 nights a week, homework and a day job. The fact that I manage time to drink beer is a wonder. 

Hello World!

Dearest Universe,

Hello. How are you? I'm good. Life has been kicking me in the ass but I tell myself this is all going somewhere and I'm learning something and the Tiramisu of Pain is a necessary staple in life. I'm full for now though, thanks. 

To be fair, I'm pretty happy. I have these incredible friends who are wise love personified. I'm also rediscovering my family, each of them quite amazing people and they're pretty entertaining, by any standards. I also have a job, which I don't hate, sometimes I even love it. Hooray!

Since it's my first post, I just want to warn you that my spelling and grammar are of the horrors and I sometimes make words up.